Are we really raising safer kids?

Today, parents seem to be obsessed with safety.

I let my kids play in the (fenced) backyard by themselves. They are 5, 3, 2 and 6 months. Of course, I am outside when the baby is. But I have even left him in the bouncy chair to run inside for something ( like taking brother or sister on an emergency potty break). I keep the doors open, and check on them frequently. We live on a cul-du-sac, and the kids don't ever venture out of the gate. Yet there are parents, even friends of mine, who I know who see this as neglect. 

When we are playing in the front yard, I let my 3 year old ride his bike on the sidewalk all the way around the cul-du-sac. That's right. All by himself. And guess what? He knows that he needs to stay on the sidewalk, and knows at what driveway he needs to turn around. 

My 2 year old is allowed to play on all the playground equipment with her siblings. And I don't follow her. And she has never gotten (seriously) hurt. 

I feel like every time I turn around, there are more rules and inventions to keep kids safe. Some of these are great. Car seats? Awesome. Putting soft material under play structures? Super. Banning lead paint? No problem. But knee pads and helmets for crawling babies? Banning playground games? Labeling every toy with a million warnings? Does this really keep our kids safer? Have kids really eve been seriously injured, or is this just a result of a paranoid, sue-happy world? 

A middle school on Long Island recently banned all balls (other than Nerf) as well as tag, cartwheels, and other activities on the playground, citing "safety concerns."

In an age where obesity can and does cause major health problems and even death, does this really keep our kids safer? 

I remember playing Red Rover and Dodge Ball at recess, now games that are virtually unheard of. Yes, kids got hurt. I think once someone even broke their arm. But we had fun, and we ran around, we interacted with each other and got excercise. The sad thing is, that with the number of electronics the average middle schooler possesses, I doubt the kids will really care all that much that kick ball has gone the way of the dinosaur. But are we doing a disservice to our kids? I think so. I don't think we are really keeping them safer. I think we are limiting their development. I taught elementary school, and honestly, the most common injuries occurred because kids tripped. Should we outlaw running? Pad the walls and floor? 

I actually believe in the free range child. Would I let my child take the subway alone? No. But I live in Kansas. If we lived in NYC, you better believe my kids would learn to navigate public transit. I don't always hold my kids' hands. They cross the street next to me. And guess what? They are learning how to be safe without me. Because that is the ultimate goal of the parent, is it not? 

I would love to live close enough to the elementary school for my kids to walk or bike. When they are old enough (maybe 10?) my kids will be allowed to go to the park alone. The facts are (there are plenty of studies, I'm not going to link here) that kids are actually safer now than in they 70's and 80's. Crime is down. Maybe it is the media that has increased, I don't know, but I feel perfectly safe teaching my children to care for themselves, and then standing back and watching them succeed.

It really seems to me that we are causing our kids to become afraid. We are not teaching them to be safe, but instead to avoid anything that could cause upset or injury. And that isn't how the world really works. You fall. You fail. And you get right back up. I want my kids to take risks. I want them to challenge themselves. I want them to know that they will fail sometimes, and that is ok. I want them to know that they have to work hard sometimes. And that usually, it is worth it. 

Face paint!

I love the look of facepaint, but I hate paying to get my kids' faces painted when we go to events. It is pricey and doesn't last very long. I have to scrub the makeup off before bed or naptime. And, did I mention that it is expensive? Then I discovered this. Or I guess, someone at the kids' preschool discovered this.
I don't know who figured out this genius... probably a kid who decided to draw on themselves rather than paper... but no matter who discovered this, it is genius.
Here it is.
Water color pencils- they work just like facepaint. Freaking AWESOME!
Just dip the tip of the pencil in water or dampen with a sponge, then draw. Just keep the pencil damp. It lasts for a while (all evening on my kiddos) and comes right off with a wipe. And, the pencil tips make detail great.
I did this in just a few minutes. Sure, facepaint is still great for covering the whole face, and does last longer. But for the age of my kids, and their level of patience, this is fabulous.
We will absolutely be doing more face painting in the future!

Stop waiting for tomorrow

Don't ever tell yourself, your kids, your spouse that you "Can't wait" for this stage, this age, to be over. That you can't wait for them to learn or do this or that. Because you can wait. It will happen all too fast.

There are a lot of areas which I need to improve upon as a parent. The top-most on this list is that I need to spend more time with my kids. I can justify the way I spend my time ad infinitum. But really, that doesn't matter. What matters most is that my kids are growing up fast. Too fast.

My oldest is five. FIVE! How did that happen? Next fall, she will be starting kindergarten, and I am already sad about those days that I will not have with her. I am already missing her. I don't want that day to come.

My son is three! My snuggly baby can jump with two feet, talk in full sentences, dress himself, and pee standing up! He goes to school three days a week, and though I love having a little extra time while my "big" kids are at extended day on Mondays, I miss him the entire time he is gone.

                                         

My little girl is TWO! She can do everything "all by herself." She wants to be just like the big kids, and is growing up too fast. Next year, she will be in school one day a week. She wants to go this year, and tries to stay with her siblings when we take them to school. I don't want her to go to school, but I know that it is what is best for her.

My baby is 6 months. Thank goodness for my little buddy, who will hang out with me while the "big" kids are gone next year. But my baby! He has gotten so big! He can inchworm around on his belly, and is rocking on his hands and knees, ready to crawl. He sleeps all night by himself, eats oatmeal, and is learning to sit up.

                             
Every day I want to scream at them, SLOW DOWN! Stop growing up! Be my babies forever!
Yes, I love every stage. Yes, they get more fun as they get older, and can do more things. Yes, there are things I hate about babyhood- the diapers, the mess, the pacifiers, the bottles, the laundry, the night time waking. But I would never rush them through it. Because no matter how long it lasts, it doesn't last forever. No matter how many kids you have, you have to let them grow up. You have to let them go.

The reality is, no matter how much time I spend with my kids, it is gone too fast. And one day soon, I will miss it all. I already miss the newborn stage, as I watch my baby explore his world. Do I miss the midnight feedings? The crying? The spit-up? The mountains of bottles? In a sense, yes. Because I miss having a BABY.

Every time I catch myself thinking "I can't wait until..." I stop myself. And I say "I look forward to..." instead. Because I won't ever hurry my kids into growing up. Childhood is not long enough, which means parenthood is not long enough, either.

Google + is kinda Awesome

I don't use Google + for much socializing, it will never take the place of Facebook for the social networking site. But Google has something, quite literally, awesome that everyone should check out.
Google automatically uploads my photos from my phone. Only I can see them unless I decide to share. Lots of sites do that. That is not awesome.
This is Awesome.

Ellie dancing on her "stage"

Slip n Slide fun

Greg, painting a circle

Jacob eating oatmeal.

So why exactly are these so awesome? And why do I keep using that word? Because, that is quite literally what this is. Google + has a feature called "Auto Awesome." If you upload a group of pictures that go together, it is smart enough to make them into a little movie or a collage, all by itself. 

That's right, I just log into Google and find my pictures like this. 

AWESOME! 

Jacob's Story, Part 3

Check out part one and part two.

Jacob was born about three weeks early, at 37 or 38 weeks, which is still considered full term. His mother smoked during his pregnancy, and was in a drug treatment program, both of which led to low birth weight. He was being monitored closely for any possible side effects, but at the time was behaving normally. 

I was at the hospital meeting the social worker, the birth mother, and, finally, Jacob. Meanwhile, Brian was getting us checked in to a hotel and dealing with three children who had not had much sleep in the past 24 hours. After I got things straightened out at the hospital and settled in with Jacob (the hospital was a little confused about what was going on, since the birth mother kept saying that we were coming, and we didn't know when we were going to get there, and the delivery was unexpected, and no one knew out last name) Brian was able to join us up in the maternity ward. The hospital was very accommodating and gave us a room so that we could stay with Jacob. 

The kids were able to meet Jacob for the first time, and Brian was able to meet Jacob's BM. It wasn't until Brian arrived that I was able to finally take in all that was going on, and at that point I nearly had a breakdown, realizing that we were ten hours from home, staying in a hotel with three kids, and splitting our time between a newborn in the hospital. Thankfully Brian has an amazing family. He was able to call his sister, who dropped everything to come to KY to help us out. She rented a car from the airport, and came out to join us. Day one for Jacob was that of a typical newborn. 

Day two everything started to change. 

We knew there could be complications due to the drug treatment. A normal newborn goes home on day three. This means that day two was critical for Jacob. If he was discharged, he could not be readmitted to the NICU. For a non-adoptive family, this would not be an issue. The infant would be readmitted to a nearby hospital and cared or there. But in Jacob's case, this could not happen. He could not be readmitted to this nearby hospital, because though it was only 15 minutes away, it was across state lines. An adopted child cannot be taken across state line until the ICPC (adoption agreement) was signed by both states. This could take 5-10 days. So if Jacob was discharged, then needed follow-up care, we would have to drive several hours to Louisville to get treatment for him. Thus, the decision to discharge was critical. The nurses all felt he should stay, but the dr had plans to discharge as normal. The dr and the nurses were aware of our situation, and that we would be staying in a hotel for up to 10 days. I told them that I was uncomfortable with him being discharged unless they were sure that he was not going to go through withdraw. 

The night of day two was when Jacob crashed. He was up the entire night, only calm when he was being held. He was not eating, and his scores were rising. By the morning, it was clear that we were not being discharged that day. By that evening, Jacob had been admitted to the NICU and it was clear that we were not leaving any time soon. 

After he was evaluated by the NICU and had been there for a night, he was doing much better. He was put on medication and was being monitored. We were told to expect a stay of anywhere from two weeks to two months. Getting the ICPC signed quickly was suddenly not so important. It was looking like the ICPC would come through before Jacob was even ready to be discharged. 

Though we would have loved for Jacob to be discharged, his being in the NICU actually made our stay easier. We no longer had a room on the maternity floor, which made it possible for both of us to stay the night in the hotel, which was better for the older kids. Visiting hours were limited, so we spend a little free time in the hotel pool, the mall, and the park. And, of course, spent lots of time talking with lawyers and the social worker. 

After a few days it became clear that while Jacob was baking great progress, and his meds were being lowered every day, it could be a month before he was discharged. And we had three kids who really needed to be back on a regular schedule, eating and sleeping at home, and going to school. We decided thatched best choice for our family would be for me to head back home with the older kiddos while Brian stayed behind with Jacob. The hospital had a hospitality house where Brian could stay (but there were no children allowed there) and his job would allow him to work remotely and do half time FMLA. Not the first time I have been grateful for how pro-family Brian's work is. Peggy would return with me, then fly home from there. We had no idea how long it would be before our family would be reunited again.