Can I just ask...

For people to stop complimenting my kids?
I don't mean this in a bad way. There are times when it is great for a child to hear a compliment. Particularly when it involves something they can control. Like telling Ellie that she listened really well, or that I am proud of her for not throwing a fit when her playdate ended.
But then there are the compliments that I commonly get when I am in public with my kids. At the heart of this is the most common:
I get told, at least weekly, how beautiful Brenna's hair is. But here is the deal. Most of the time, when someone says this, my children are right in front of me. Meaning that not only is Brenna sitting in the cart or the stroller, but Ellie is holding my hand or skipping along side.

 Does Brenna have beautiful hair? Yes. She has curls like I have never seen before. They amaze me, particularly because my hair is so straight that it runs the other direction at the mere thought of curls. But Ellie has beautiful hair too. It is straight, just like mine, but golden blonde, just like her daddy's. She doesn't have the stand out curls that Brenna does, and so she rarely gets told, while waiting in line at Target, or shopping at the mall, or playing at the museum, how beautiful her hair is.
And Ellie, she is bright. She doesn't miss a thing. And as she gets older, she has started asking hard questions, like, "Why am I so small?" (She is my Elf, and is so beautifully petite) and "Why does Brenna have curly hair and I have hair like yours?" While she is bright, try explaining genetics to a five year old. Let alone, explaining why people compliment her sister in public, but not her.

I know people don't mean harm. I do know how amazing Brenna's curls are. I know that while Brenna, at 2, still has that cherubic cuteness of a toddler, while Ellie is growing into that awkward phase between toddler and girl. I also know how bright and sensitive Ellie is. How much she craves approval. How sweet she is, and how helpful (when she wants to be), how smart she is, and how much I love her questions, even when they annoy the heck out of me.

But the thing is, people don't see that. When I have four kids in the stroller or at the park, what stands out is Brenna's curls. But just remember, my kids can hear you, and when you compliment just one of them, for something she can't even control (and will probably despise when she gets older!) the other three are still listening, and maybe wondering, why is my hair not beautiful?

The first snow of 2014

Last night it snowed about 2-3" just enough for the kids to think they should go out and play in it. We missed the first real snow since we were in CA for Christmas. It is maybe 11* out, not including windchill.
I manage to entertain the kids for a while, we paint and play in the basement, have a snack.

Then Greg asks for his boots, and after that, it is just a matter of time until they get to melt-down state over the snow outside. Ellie is complaining that if we wait any longer, the snow is going to melt. No amount of discussion can convince her that this is not, indeed, going to happen.

So. I get out snowpants. Three pairs. And three pairs of mittens. And three parkas. Three hats. And a towel. We go downstairs. Everyone takes a potty break. I put snowpants on two kids, and there is only one minor meltdown over pushing mittens through the coat sleeve. Then I smell it. Brenna has pooped. OK, go get a diaper, and MY coat, mittens, hat and boots. Which I had forgotten the first go round. Change diaper. Apply snowpants, mittens, boots, hats. Have you ever put mittens on a two year old? Too old for the thumb-less mitss, to young to understand that her thumb has its own spot.

Go outside. (And pray that 9 month old doesn't start screaming about being abandoned to his play area)

Move giant branches that are in the sledding path. Put Brenna's mittens back on. Sled down the hill once. Pull Brenna back up the hill, since she can't get out of the sled on her own. Put Brenna's mittens back on. Push Greg down hill. Pull sled back up. Put Brenna's mittens back on. Repeat the sled routine twice more. Move other branch in the yard. Push Greg down "big" side of the hill. Rescue Brenna from on top of the play structure. Put mittens back on. Throw ball for dog about 10 times. Clean off Little Tikes car for Brenna. Extract her from the car when she realizes it won't roll in the snow. Push kids down the "big" hill. Make snow angels. Realize that Brenna needs a different pair of mittens that will actually stay on. 

Bring everyone inside. Strip off boots, coats, hats, mittens (with kids generally acting as if they are having seziure like activity, trying to shake off boots, and screaming for totally irrational things, like needing a stuffed toy while in the middle of getting undressed. 

Shoo off kids to play for a bit.
And then they start asking: Can we have hot chocolate??? Can we make snow ice cream???
Sure. Why the heck not? 

Don't tell me I need to slow down

There is a blog post that I read this past summer. I have been meaning to write a response to it for a while, but never really got around to it. Yet, I still think about it every now and then, so obviously, it had a big impact on me.

The synopsis of the post was that the mom writing it vowed to never tell her children to hurry up. NEVER. the post is from Hands Free Mama. She saw how much she needed to let her children set the pace, how much it hurt them to be hurried along. When I first read this, I was all like YES! I need to be more like this! I need to let my children explore more. Take time to listen to them and see what they see. Of course, it was summer vacation at the time, and it seemed like a good idea. No. It was a good idea. It IS a good idea. I don't want to bash this mama, I do make an effort to slow down and let my children explore in their own way. I let them splash in puddles and look at bugs. I marvel over every rock they find in the yard. I build sand castles and snowmen. I pick flowers and let them wash their own hands. But here is the deal. I don't do this ALL THE TIME. I can't. And honestly, I don't think that I should.

If I NEVER told my children to hurry up, it would be teaching them really bad manners. As much as I love my children, they are not the center of the the universe. They need to understand that other people, and other peoples' time, is important too. If my child were late for school every day (which she would be, if I never told her to hurry up) we would inconvenience an entire class. There would be less time for her teacher to teach. It would be rude to be late to play dates. If we never hurried to make an appointment on time, our pediatrician would probably refuse to see us. We would miss flights, movies, reservations. In fact, if I never told my children to hurry up, then, quite likely, we would miss out on more than we would actually get to enjoy. Sure, it might be fun to run up and down the driveway, poke a stick in a hole, re-arrange the ponies or cars for the millionth time, but what about vacations? Family dinners? Plays? Train rides?

While living in the now has its place, and I definitely can always use to slow down and let my children live life at their own pace, I believe that I would be a bad mom if I did not hurry them along, at least some of the time.

Also, chances are, my kids would always have wet pants, judging by the number of times I tell them to "hurry to the potty" every single day! 

Are we really raising safer kids?

Today, parents seem to be obsessed with safety.

I let my kids play in the (fenced) backyard by themselves. They are 5, 3, 2 and 6 months. Of course, I am outside when the baby is. But I have even left him in the bouncy chair to run inside for something ( like taking brother or sister on an emergency potty break). I keep the doors open, and check on them frequently. We live on a cul-du-sac, and the kids don't ever venture out of the gate. Yet there are parents, even friends of mine, who I know who see this as neglect. 

When we are playing in the front yard, I let my 3 year old ride his bike on the sidewalk all the way around the cul-du-sac. That's right. All by himself. And guess what? He knows that he needs to stay on the sidewalk, and knows at what driveway he needs to turn around. 

My 2 year old is allowed to play on all the playground equipment with her siblings. And I don't follow her. And she has never gotten (seriously) hurt. 

I feel like every time I turn around, there are more rules and inventions to keep kids safe. Some of these are great. Car seats? Awesome. Putting soft material under play structures? Super. Banning lead paint? No problem. But knee pads and helmets for crawling babies? Banning playground games? Labeling every toy with a million warnings? Does this really keep our kids safer? Have kids really eve been seriously injured, or is this just a result of a paranoid, sue-happy world? 

A middle school on Long Island recently banned all balls (other than Nerf) as well as tag, cartwheels, and other activities on the playground, citing "safety concerns."

In an age where obesity can and does cause major health problems and even death, does this really keep our kids safer? 

I remember playing Red Rover and Dodge Ball at recess, now games that are virtually unheard of. Yes, kids got hurt. I think once someone even broke their arm. But we had fun, and we ran around, we interacted with each other and got excercise. The sad thing is, that with the number of electronics the average middle schooler possesses, I doubt the kids will really care all that much that kick ball has gone the way of the dinosaur. But are we doing a disservice to our kids? I think so. I don't think we are really keeping them safer. I think we are limiting their development. I taught elementary school, and honestly, the most common injuries occurred because kids tripped. Should we outlaw running? Pad the walls and floor? 

I actually believe in the free range child. Would I let my child take the subway alone? No. But I live in Kansas. If we lived in NYC, you better believe my kids would learn to navigate public transit. I don't always hold my kids' hands. They cross the street next to me. And guess what? They are learning how to be safe without me. Because that is the ultimate goal of the parent, is it not? 

I would love to live close enough to the elementary school for my kids to walk or bike. When they are old enough (maybe 10?) my kids will be allowed to go to the park alone. The facts are (there are plenty of studies, I'm not going to link here) that kids are actually safer now than in they 70's and 80's. Crime is down. Maybe it is the media that has increased, I don't know, but I feel perfectly safe teaching my children to care for themselves, and then standing back and watching them succeed.

It really seems to me that we are causing our kids to become afraid. We are not teaching them to be safe, but instead to avoid anything that could cause upset or injury. And that isn't how the world really works. You fall. You fail. And you get right back up. I want my kids to take risks. I want them to challenge themselves. I want them to know that they will fail sometimes, and that is ok. I want them to know that they have to work hard sometimes. And that usually, it is worth it. 

Face paint!

I love the look of facepaint, but I hate paying to get my kids' faces painted when we go to events. It is pricey and doesn't last very long. I have to scrub the makeup off before bed or naptime. And, did I mention that it is expensive? Then I discovered this. Or I guess, someone at the kids' preschool discovered this.
I don't know who figured out this genius... probably a kid who decided to draw on themselves rather than paper... but no matter who discovered this, it is genius.
Here it is.
Water color pencils- they work just like facepaint. Freaking AWESOME!
Just dip the tip of the pencil in water or dampen with a sponge, then draw. Just keep the pencil damp. It lasts for a while (all evening on my kiddos) and comes right off with a wipe. And, the pencil tips make detail great.
I did this in just a few minutes. Sure, facepaint is still great for covering the whole face, and does last longer. But for the age of my kids, and their level of patience, this is fabulous.
We will absolutely be doing more face painting in the future!

Stop waiting for tomorrow

Don't ever tell yourself, your kids, your spouse that you "Can't wait" for this stage, this age, to be over. That you can't wait for them to learn or do this or that. Because you can wait. It will happen all too fast.

There are a lot of areas which I need to improve upon as a parent. The top-most on this list is that I need to spend more time with my kids. I can justify the way I spend my time ad infinitum. But really, that doesn't matter. What matters most is that my kids are growing up fast. Too fast.

My oldest is five. FIVE! How did that happen? Next fall, she will be starting kindergarten, and I am already sad about those days that I will not have with her. I am already missing her. I don't want that day to come.

My son is three! My snuggly baby can jump with two feet, talk in full sentences, dress himself, and pee standing up! He goes to school three days a week, and though I love having a little extra time while my "big" kids are at extended day on Mondays, I miss him the entire time he is gone.

                                         

My little girl is TWO! She can do everything "all by herself." She wants to be just like the big kids, and is growing up too fast. Next year, she will be in school one day a week. She wants to go this year, and tries to stay with her siblings when we take them to school. I don't want her to go to school, but I know that it is what is best for her.

My baby is 6 months. Thank goodness for my little buddy, who will hang out with me while the "big" kids are gone next year. But my baby! He has gotten so big! He can inchworm around on his belly, and is rocking on his hands and knees, ready to crawl. He sleeps all night by himself, eats oatmeal, and is learning to sit up.

                             
Every day I want to scream at them, SLOW DOWN! Stop growing up! Be my babies forever!
Yes, I love every stage. Yes, they get more fun as they get older, and can do more things. Yes, there are things I hate about babyhood- the diapers, the mess, the pacifiers, the bottles, the laundry, the night time waking. But I would never rush them through it. Because no matter how long it lasts, it doesn't last forever. No matter how many kids you have, you have to let them grow up. You have to let them go.

The reality is, no matter how much time I spend with my kids, it is gone too fast. And one day soon, I will miss it all. I already miss the newborn stage, as I watch my baby explore his world. Do I miss the midnight feedings? The crying? The spit-up? The mountains of bottles? In a sense, yes. Because I miss having a BABY.

Every time I catch myself thinking "I can't wait until..." I stop myself. And I say "I look forward to..." instead. Because I won't ever hurry my kids into growing up. Childhood is not long enough, which means parenthood is not long enough, either.

Google + is kinda Awesome

I don't use Google + for much socializing, it will never take the place of Facebook for the social networking site. But Google has something, quite literally, awesome that everyone should check out.
Google automatically uploads my photos from my phone. Only I can see them unless I decide to share. Lots of sites do that. That is not awesome.
This is Awesome.

Ellie dancing on her "stage"

Slip n Slide fun

Greg, painting a circle

Jacob eating oatmeal.

So why exactly are these so awesome? And why do I keep using that word? Because, that is quite literally what this is. Google + has a feature called "Auto Awesome." If you upload a group of pictures that go together, it is smart enough to make them into a little movie or a collage, all by itself. 

That's right, I just log into Google and find my pictures like this. 

AWESOME!