We just had a well-baby check-up. Which basically means that I hear things that I already know. You know, like lock the doors so that your 18 month old can't escape. Use outlet covers. Your 18 month old will be interested in climbing everything, so keep an eye on him.
Also, it means that I get to "fib"to the doctor to avoid lecture. I have 3 kids. I don't count every bite they take, I don't tally every word they know. I don't know exactly how many diapers my child goes through in a day. With two in diapers, I just know I deal with a lot of poop. So, I tell her what she needs to hear. I know my kid isn't sick, so I tell her, Yes, G-man drinks 3-4 cups of milk and poops at least once a day. He says 10-12 words (this really depends on how you define "words" I guess). He only eats table food. Not baby food. Which is technically true, but brings us to the kitchen.
This morning I mopped the floor. I try to do this every week, since between the two dogs and three kids, if I didn't, we might be in health code violation. This is what mopping involves: Getting the steam mop (best invention ever!) Taking off the dirty mop head. Getting a clean one. Filling the steam mop with water while G-man "helps." Remember that you had left Bee half naked because G-man was eating dog food. Put a diaper on the baby and move her to her floor mat to squirm around. Make sure that Elf is watching something appropriate on the TV. Plug in and turn on steam mop. Start mopping, moving things that cover large areas of the floor, push small items out of the way with the mop. Mop around G-man, making a mental note to get that spot later. Pay special attention to the area under the high chair and the kitchen table. Try once more to get the red streak off of the floor. Fail. Oh, well. At least the spot has been sanitized. Move G-man away from the dog food, and pry any pieces out of his mouth. Continue mopping, being careful to not steam G-man's feet. Move him away from the dog food again. Finish the mopping, and wind the cord, stopping to tell G-man that he will be ok after he just tripped over the cord. Put the mop away. In the laundry room. Where you realize that you have two loads to fold, and at least 3 more to wash today. No, make that 4 since socks need to be done. Socks are a separate load in our house, but that is a neurosis for another day. Put in a load of laundry.
Move G-man away from the dog food 3 more times.
Notice the things that I did not do in this post. I did not remove or replace outlet covers. We don't use them. Or child locks on our cabinets. I only use baby gates to keep the kids from going up the stairs. Yup, I walk on the wild side, and would rather just teach my kids what is safe. I am on number 3, and have not had any major incidents yet. So, back to the beginning of this post. According to our doctor, I am a DANGEROUS mom. My child could open the door and wander out into our (fenced) back yard. He could eat DOG FOOD (which is required by law to be safe for human consumption, though it might be gross). He could try to put something in the outlet. He could touch the steam mop. Elf could watch too much TV (and probably does) Bee might pee on herself because I forgot to finish dressing her. But really, how is this any different than a diaper?
So, if you come over to my house, just remember, I am a DANGEROUS mom. And if I had a busy week, our kitchen just might be on the verge of breaking several health code violations.
No comments:
Post a Comment